Understanding the Impossible
by Pork Steak the Grande
Summary: Dedicated to Uoyr's Lover. Bakura doesn't understand. Ryou gives him something willingly, something Bakura can't quite comprehend Love. [BxR, shounenai, oneshot]


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Grim Reaper: The dedication station is in the house! Tis a oneshot song fic dedicated to _Uoyr's Lover _**because… she wanted it, and we supplied!**

Gandalf: It's also for her because she rocks my socks! Though usually I don't wear any!

God the Grand (e): -cough- Anyways, here's your song fic (finally) I stayed up till six a.m. to finish just for you my dear! I still think it's quite horrible, but I hope you like it anyways! Sorry about your grounding, but look at this as a great opportunity to work on your stories! -tugs on your shirt, whisper, whisper- Start "Easier to Run" first! -cough- Love you much! Anyways…

It: Nope, we do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, nor do we own the song "Near You Always!" Jewel does! Enjoy!

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I paced the dark hallway of our two story home repeatedly, only one thing on my mind. Love. Something I couldn't understand for the life of me; something I've been secretly afraid of; Something Ryou gives me endlessly.

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Please don't say I love you, those words touch me much too deeply and they make my core tremble, don't think you realize the power you have over me

I knew he was in our bedroom, sleeping, or at least thinking about sleeping. Something told me though, that he couldn't sleep, that the child needed me in there to make it possible. He needed me more than words could ever say… He adores me, and I don't think I can handle it all. He makes me afraid, the way his eyes bore into mine, the way he smiles whenever I enter a room, the way he makes me happy just being near him. When he stands there, I suddenly forget my words, anything important flies from my mind as if it was never there. I feel so weak, and useless, and I hate it, yet love it all the same.

The hours grow late now; I know it must be around midnight. I bite my lip, still so unsure of what to do and how to feel about all of this. Three days I've spent sleepless, just reflecting on how I feel about my light; and I still haven't a clue.

I sigh and glance at the closed bedroom door, quietly treading over to it and opening it silently. My eyes lift to see Ryou sitting criss cross on his bed in the darkness, staring out the window.

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And please don't come so close , it just makes me want to make you near me always; please don't kiss me so sweet it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow

He twirls his head around and looks up at me, the faint glimmer of a smile on his lips.

"Bakura… I was hoping you'd come in here soon, I was worried about you… I don't think you've slept much, and I don't know why," he says softly, standing up and heading over my way. I back away, not wanting him to take a step closer. He halts when he's only inches away, eyes looking up at me despairingly.

"Bakura, why do you always back away when I come near you?" He whispers, hand reaching out for mine. I sigh, eyes closing as my hand finds his, fingers curling around the delicate bones.

"Ryou, what is it you want from me?" I breathe, coffee eyes glancing at me. He smiles, taking a step closer and wrapping his arms around me. No Ryou, I wish you wouldn't do this to me, I wish you'd just let go… My hands uncontrollably slip around him, pulling him closer.

"I don't want anything from you, Bakura. I just want you, don't you understand?"

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And please don't touch me like that, makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow, please don't look at me like that it just makes me want to make you near me always

I think I should understand; I know this shouldn't be as confusing as it is, but for some reason it disturbs me to the core; the way it feels with his thin arms wrapped around me, small body flush up against mine. I can't explain how unnerving it is to be so trapped. No matter what I do, I cannot make him let go, I do not _want_ him to let go. It's so strange how things are never as good as they are when Ryou's around, the pure joy I get of him being there frightens me. No one has ever made me feel so vulnerable. What if one day he decides he doesn't _want_ me so close anymore, what's going to happen if he finds someone better? Or if the unthinkable happens and he…

My eyes clamp shut and my hold on him tightens just thinking of something so gruesome.

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Please don't bring me flowers, they only whisper the sweet things you'd say, don't try to understand me, your hands already know too much anyway

"Why don't we go lay down; you need your rest," I hover over his ear and whisper. He nods in agreement and takes my hand in his, delicate fingers entwining with mine. He smiles up at me with glazed, tired eyes, emotions sparkling through his glance the way it always does when he looks at me.

I tread quietly a short distance behind him as we head into the bedroom. He hops onto his bed, making me tumble down onto it, too. He rolls over to the edge by the wall, sprawling out on his sides, over sized white tee lifting up to show a small proportion of moonlit pearly skin so innocent and satiny, looking as if it had yet to have a finger laid on it.

"Come closer, please Bakura?" He requests, voice sounding timid. He gazes at me pleadingly, eyes begging me to draw nearer. I can't hold back, body squirming closer to his so we are mere inches away. His eyes bore into mine; searching for answers, even I couldn't give him.

"Bakura, why do you fear me? You, you act so reserved, yet you know I'd do nothing to harm you," he says emotionally, biting his lip as frustrated tears rest at the brim of his eyes. I don't know what to do with him; I never know what to do with him. He cries for me, and I want to cry back, but it just doesn't happen. Seeing Ryou cry makes me feel a strange depression looming over and I can't help but close my eyes. My heart wrenches just seeing him in such a distressed, sad state. A sob erupts from him as he clings to me again, hands clutching into my tee shirt.

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It just makes me want to make you near me always, and when you look in my eyes, please know my heart is in your hands

Another hysterical sob creeps out of him as he looks up to me with despairing eyes.

"You, you don't love me, do you Bakura?" He questions, probing for an answer. My mouth gapes open, so unsure of what to say.

"I, I don't… I…," I stutter, not able to piece words together. Ryou bites his lip and closes drenched eyes, more tears falling freely. Gods Ryou, why do you do this to me?

"I'm sorry, I don't, I don't know what I was thinking. I just thought maybe if I showed you how to care for someone, you'd develop some kind of feelings, the same kind of feelings I've always held for you. I love you to no limits and I just always dreamed that maybe one day you'd return my affection. So long now I've waited, waited just to hear you say those bitter sweet words; but now I know it was all in vain. I'm asking you for something you aren't capable of giving! Just because I love you doesn't mean you l, l, lo-" he starts crying again, so much he couldn't finish his sentence. Ryou rests his head on my shoulder, weeping his heart out into my tee shirt

"Ryou, why do I always get these weird feelings when I'm around you, why is it always like this? You put your arms around me and I feel so confused! These strange emotions take over and I get a protective feeling as if I could never let you go! I hate it when you hold me so tightly; it only makes you want me closer!" I confess, arms drawing him possessively closer.

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It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms, you have complete power over me

I glance down to see puzzled orbs looking upon me, a hand reaching up to brush across my flushed cheek.

"Bakura, why don't you want me to hold you? Why can't you let me close to you? I just, I don't understand," he whispers wistfully, eyes staring into mine. I smile sadly, and reach up to cup his cheek.

"Then don't try and understand, you don't need to. I don't get you for the life of me… yet I still find myself wanting to be closer," I say, fingers trailing up to wipe salty, faultless tears. He smiles slightly, moving in closer, resting his forehead against mine, half-laden eyes blinking before gazing at me in that same hazy way.

"I just, I wish this wasn't so hard…" He trails off, eyes closing again. I nuzzle my nose against his, hands retracting to ho rest at his waist.

"I'm trying Ryou, I really am," I say, wishing I could find something more comforting to say to reassure him. I gasp as I feel tender, enticing lips sweep against mine in a dainty, chaste kiss. His eyes open slightly, tired orbs gazing into my own pair of shocked ones. His kisses make me feel shocked and bewildered. Adrenaline always increasing and lips burning with a passion to feel Ryou's soft lips against mine again. I wish it wasn't like that, wish I didn't give in, but my body; my heart knows no better. It's found it's partner, the one some people call a 'soul mate' and it refuses to give up until it gets what it deserves; Ryou.

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So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always

"I love you Bakura, and I hope you'll always be with me," Ryou gushes, leaning down so his forehead rests by my nose. I smile slightly to myself, knowing that's what I secretly want, too.

"I, I hope so too love," I say hesitantly, eyes starring across at the dim wall, staring out at the nothingness. I hear him sigh contently at the nickname, my hands brushing through his creamy white hair as he snuggles closer.

A comforting silence falls over, only the sound of the evening wind audible. I look down to find Ryou sound asleep, a peaceful smile on his lips. Seeing him sleeping so contently makes me feel exhausted too. I reach behind me to grab Ryou's comforter and wrap it around the two of us, arm resettling by Ryou's hip. I close heavy chocolate orbs, nose nudging Ryou as I make myself comfortable.

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Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth, and it makes me want to make you near me always

"I hope things never change," I admit to the bunch of nobodies in the room. Sleep tugs at me, dragging me slowly into unconsciousness. I think a smile graced my lips as I heard some last words escape Ryou's lips.

"Bakura, I'll always be yours, yours for always."

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I want to be near you always, I want to be near you always, I want to be near you always

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God: And there it is, hope you enjoyed the sap crap!

Gandalf: -nod- Questions, comments, answers, anything? Leave us a review and give us a piece of mind!

Sauruman: -glares- Not that you really had to say that, the review box wouldn't _BE _there if things didn't know to review…

Gandalf: -blink, blink- Anyways, have wonderful days!

And of course… thanks to **Obscured Illusions**!


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